Celery

Preparation

1. Bland

   Step 1

   Raw celery is vastly improved by filling the trough with some sort of delectable cheese goo like this one: caviar (red or black, cheap or good) with sour cream or cream cheese, plus a bit of Roquefort cheese. Soften the cheese with milk if it is too stiff. If you’re feeding it to children (or adults) who will turn up their noses at caviar, try peanut butter instead. Feel free to add a line of raisins. (Remember the classic “ants on a log”? It’s classic for a reason.)

   Step 2

   Cooked celery is perked up nicely if you add mustard or poppy seed to the cooking water. (They cook celery? Sure. Consider it next time you need another vegetable, on its own or to fill out a smaller amount of something else.)

2. Old

   Step 3

   See “Soggy,” below.

3. Soggy

   Step 4

   Soak wilted celery stalks in ice water for 2 to 3 hours. If you like, add 1 tablespoon vinegar or the juice of one lemon to the water. It is said to help retain the flavor.

   Step 5

   As an alternative, wash the celery, stand it vertically for 2 hours in a pitcher of cold water mixed with 1 teaspoon salt, in the refrigerator.